Rebellion matters
by Telruya
Summary: What if Cersei actually knew what it meant to be loved? What if her grandfather had not died and been around to raise her as Tywin swanned about as hand of the king? A character-driven examination of Cersei Lannister and the differences a little bit of compassion can make.
1. Beginnings - Chapter 01

Before Cersei had joined her family in the antechamber her family had been bright and happy, but as time stretched out to her mother's screams that happiness at the birth of a new member of their family had changed.

Her father paced back and forth in front of the door to her mother's room stopping only as each new scream her mother gave began, she couldn't see her father's face when he'd stop to stare at the door but the thought of her proud iron-willed father afraid did nothing to offer comfort.

Jaime would squeeze her hand as each new scream started and release as the room past the door to her mother would grow silent, her father just paced. Her Uncle Kevin watched her father but Cersei couldn't understand what he was thinking through his intent stare.

Her Grandfather, the useless man that he was, just stood in the corner, his pained gaze switching from the four of them with each scream.

Cersei's mother screamed again and Jaime squeezed her hand, she turned to look at him as he was squeezing tightly, not enough to hurt her but enough to be uncomfortable, she saw a look of terror on him.

It was too much.

Her brother was always so confident, too see lacking his natural mirth and joy was too much.

Cersei began to sob uncontrollably and tears fell, Jamie followed suit, neither her uncle or father seemed to pay it any mind, She wanted to pull Jamie closer to herself, she didn't want to be alone but they were at either end's of the couch and she could hardly move for being so afraid.

It wasn't until she felt her and Jaime's hands being pulled apart that she noticed her grandfather had moved from his corner, at first she panicked at this but then he sat down between her and Jaime and put their hands together again.

Grandfather put both his arms around them and hugged them together.

He murmured that it's going to be ok but he was wrong.

Cersei couldn't believe anything was going to be ok. She sobbed into her grandfather's chest alongside her brother as he told her they weren't alone and it's going to be ok.

Time passed like this, together.

A rage filled scream broke them out of this small comfort, it wasn't their mother's scream and Cersei tried to remember when she had last heard her mother cry out, when did her father enter into mother's room and why was he the one now screaming.

After a few moments her father stormed from the room out of the antechamber, her grandfather shot straight up and screamed his name calling after her father, her uncle was looking into the room and she walked straight past her uncle.

She had been sent forward after her grandfather had shot straight up and Cersei's legs carried her forward, she kept going, the bed was bloody and her mother was lifeless, some women held a creature in her arms, Cersei screamed and broke crying falling to the floor.

She was lifted quickly into the arms of her grandfather who screamed at her uncle to grab her brother and everything was wrong and she was carried away from where her mother had once been.

Her brother was held back but Cersei knew.

She cried into her grandfather's shoulder as he held her, tears in his own eyes and told her he was sorry, she cried into his right shoulder as she found some weak way to hit him in his left shoulder sobbing.

He had lied to her, nothing was ok.

A monster killed her mother.

* * *

 **So did the lack of dialogue convey what I wanted from this?**

 **Because I wanted it to convey a sense of Isolation, confusion and fear during this part and taking away this norm was my attempt at that.**

Edit: So, having read this there were a lot of little errors here and there that really bothered me.  
Having properly proofread this I corrected it and also added a little more specificity to some parts but it's mostly the same.


	2. Beginnings - Chapter 02

Cersei awoke alone to the sounds of the least dignified snoring she had ever heard. Her eyes were sore, her body tired and heavy but she pushed herself up to sit on her bed to see that her grandfather sat in a chair with his head rolled back on the head snoring, as Cersei assumed that only her grandfather did, with little dignity, but her brother was beyond him in a separate bed.

The room was small and unfamiliar, little light came through the small window but it looked like it should be during the day.

Today was supposed to be happy instead it was quiet she thought.

Then her grandfather snored again, breaking that thought, Cersei stared irately at him but quickly snorted out laughter. It was funny, but then her laughs strained and Cersei was upset, she was alone. She didn't know what to do and so she sat quietly for a while thinking about her family now and what was missing from it.

Her mother was dead.

Cersei didn't need to hear someone say it. She had seen it.

Her mother had promised to take her to the fields outside Lannisport where the Mallow flowers grew once her little brother had been born, but neither of those things happened. Instead, a monster had killed her mother, and she was alone.

Her mother would never listen to her with pastries and fruit when she was felt alone.

Never tell her the stories father thought were for the common folk, not nobles.

Her whole family would never truly share meals together again.

A piece of the world was missing.

To the irritation of Cersei, Tytos Lannister continued to snore.

Then he stopped.

She waited for him to resume but he didn't.

Cersei missed the sound of her grandfather's snoring.

When he continued in his infamy, panicked slightly, Cersei reached out and pulled down on his sleeve and he woke just fine, blearily but fine.

Tytos smacked his lips and tilted his head to look at the source of his troubles, Cersei, giving him an annoyed look.

She hadn't really thought what to do next so decided to say in deadpan seriousness "You Snore," But the only made her grandfather chuckle good-naturedly so she changed tactics, "You stink too."

Cersei couldn't tell what he smelt like but she wasn't going to back down, wouldn't let someone just brush off her comments like she didn't matter. Grandfather stared at her and asked, "How are you doing?"

It made her turn away from him, and the door was right there but where was she supposed to go. There was nothing to do and what was she supposed to do, racking her mind for something to say made nothing come and grandfather saved her from that silence.

"Might be a stupid question but it needs to be asked. Cersei, Look at me," she did and he leaned forward and now Cersei could tell for certain, he needed a bath.

"It's okay to be upset." She was going to slap him. "Don't you let anyone say otherwise, I'll set Tywin on them if they do." And he quietly laughed, Cersei confused joined him soon enough.

"Since when could you make father do anything it was no secret that Tytos Lannister had no control over anything, since Castamere her father had ignored him, pressing on with his own plans, her uncle Kevin beside him.

For once in his life the toothless lion had even tried to do something, though he dithered and doubted, eventually, he sent a raven to kingslanding asking for permission to disinherit his eldest son.

The raven that came back was from Aerys, it was the next day, Jaehaerys Targaryen the Second of His Name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men. Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm had passed away.

Tywin was to be appointed hand of the king.

The actual to Tytos's raven had been to task Tywin with sorting out the Westerlands, her father appointed Kevin Lannister as regent to rule whilst Tywin was in Kingslanding and stripped Grandfather of any power.

The world seemed to enjoy laughing at him.

Grandfather had gone quiet, the little mirth he had seemed dampened and it was terrible now. Why had she thrown that in his face… Where was her father, where was anyone else?

Cersei had to break the silence, "Where is he?"

"I don't know, he shot off and left me to look after you."

Her father was important and most likely had important things to do, Cersei would simply have to find one of the servants who knew his schedule and then meet him when he was free.

Tytos stood up and stretched himself, that chair did not look comfortable. "It wasn't easy carrying the both of you here, No idea where we are. Servants Quarters?" Tytos asked looking around.

He just shook his head and said, "We have so many rooms, and you two were quite heavy to carry alone, this seemed like it would do well enough." And he smiled.

Cersei Shot back "Getting old? You coulda found yourself a room of your own." She smirked.

Grandfather paid the jape no mind. "Cersei, If you want to talk about it I'm right here." He was asking kindly and she wanted to say something but, there wasn't anything to say. She didn't know why it would be different with father.

"I want to go find father, thank you, grandfather."

She got out of the bed and went to the door but before she could leave he retorted, "Well, before you do make sure and grab a bath. You're no spring chicken yourself princess," He chuckled. "I'll make sure Jaime isn't alone when he finally wakes,"

Cersei left and regretted that actually slapping her grandfather would reflect poorly on her house. 

* * *

**I did have** **a second part of this nut it felt more natural to end it here, Give a simple focus on Cersei and Tytos's relationship otherwise it mighta been a bit too long.**

 **Or is there too little happening here? Thoughts?  
Thanks to everyone who Faved, followed and commented.**


	3. Beginnings - Chapter 03

Beginnings 03

It had been morning after all as Cersei found maids already waiting for her outside her room, the daily routine helped to calm her. It was like every morning past as she instructed them to draw her a bath, prepare her clothes and fetch water, bread and cheese to break her fast.

The bath was calm and relaxing, the food simple but nourishing, yet when it came to the clothes the normalcy that had been so precious was disrupted.

"Perhaps this dress my lady?" asked one of the maids asked and presented a bright golden gown to her.

Cersei put on her long smock and walked over to examine it, It was bright and vibrant.

She went over to her wardrobe and realised she had not a single dour dress, all were bright and filled with life. She had spent many hours making some of them with her mother, some had been bought at Lannisport when her mother wished to visit her family there. So many little memories of times spent happy and loved were wrapped in these dresses. None of them were suitable to mourn.

The only thing that was the way she felt were her riding clothes, the tunic and leather doublet sewn with black cordage in the two seams on the front and back with matching trouser and hose, they were suitable enough.

This was clothing she normally wore when riding horseback under guard around the countryside with her grandfather and brother.

Father wouldn't approve.

What else was there though?

Everything else she owned was too cheerful and wouldn't do.

Grandfather wouldn't care and would understand, the thought came naturally and unsettled Cersei a little. She laid the clothes out on her bed by her maidservants.

"My lady, have you chosen a dress to wear?" The serving women with the golden gown asked.

Cersei turned to the maid and told her, "I'll be wearing this," When it looked like the maid was about to say something she said again, firmly, "I'll be wearing this."

The maids helped her dress and it didn't take as long with the simpler form of clothing but still, was she supposed to meet with her father dressed like this?

She had still to meet with him, ask him…

It was troubling and Cersei waved her maids out of the room.

She didn't know what to do but she was dressed like a man, in clothes good only for playing amongst the plains, forests and fields around her families lands.

The clothes she'd wear when she would practice.

Cersei's thoughts were interrupted by this and she walked over to her dresser and took out a small box, placed it on the table beside her bath. Inside the box was her dagger.

A few years ago she would disguise herself as her brother by wearing his clothes, she had stolen into sword lessons with the master at arms, no one could tell her apart from her brother, no but grandfather. Somehow. Somewhen.

He confronted her about this, asked if she thought she was clever for stealing Jamie's lessons from him. And then laughed. He made her stop but then told her something no else would. He'd rather she not get into trouble and so should just get her some lessons quietly, it was a shock and the memory still made her smile.

When Cersei asked why he told her that there was no harm in learning for fun, maybe she'd need to defend herself someday and better she knew how and not need to, than need to and not know how. It was a secret that only she, grandfather and Ser Benedict Broom, their master at arms, knew.

Though he'd sometimes threaten to take the lessons away if she didn't behave, crafty grandfather, and she laughed with this.

In the hall of hero's she'd began to learn the martial arts in her own right, It started with being shown how to fight with a dagger and unarmed combat, Joint locks, breaks, throws, disarms, counters, strikes, clinches, holds and more.

These weren't the same lessons she had learnt when pretending to be her brother and when she demanded to know why from Ser Broom he retorted that she wasn't to fight in the field and that was why they were focusing on this form. One on one combat suited for fighting in a room or corridor should someone, somehow, break into the rock. They were lesson Jamie would learn though, he reassured her.

She would learn swordplay later, if grandfather said so, and Cersei knew she would learn.

Cersei picked up the dagger, her lessons had been put on hold whilst father was in the rock and she hadn't been able to practice.

He wasn't here now though.

She moved into the High Guard with her dagger held forward and high just at head height, her left hand held at middle height by her stomach, ready to grapple an incoming strike. She practised a pull down to the opponent's left shoulder. It would bring the blade down in-between the bones of the shoulder if done right. If armoured it takes some aim to slip the blade under the plate or mail.

It could be done. And so she practised, again and again.

Lost in the simple motions Cersei jumped when someone knocked at the door and dropped the dagger. Ser Broom would have raised an eyebrow at that. Never drop your weapon. Not even when surprised. Especially not when surprised.

Quickly she put the dagger back into its box and the box back into the dresser. When she answered the door there was the same maid as before with the golden dress.

"My lady, your family are gathering for lunch in ten minutes," Cersei wondered how long she had been practising. Shaking it off she replied, "I'll be along shortly."

Cersei would see her father there.

#End 


	4. Beginnings - Chapter 04

Beginnings 04

The walk to the family dining hall was long and twisty so Cersei arrived late, the rock felt colder than usual and the floor felt strange but Cersei was focusing on her way to see her father.

When she reached the oaken doors two guards of Casterly Rock opened the doors for her and inside sat her uncle Kevin with his wife Dorna as well as her brother and grandfather. Neither Gerion nor more importantly, her father was present.

Her uncle turned to her and startled, asked with a confused expression, "Why aren't you wearing…" but was cut off by her grandfather who didn't even deign to take his eyes from his soup, "She can wear what she wants Kevin."

It had not been warm and inviting before that. It was definitely tenser now though.

Cersei realised she should have escaped this dinner as Uncle Gerion taught her…

Then she realised why he wasn't here, the blaggart had fled and left her to this fate.

She walked over to her brother who was sat near the bottom of the table that proceeded lengthwise in angle from the doorway. He looked at her and asked, with a raised eyebrow, "Huh?" Cersei smiled as she knew what he asking about, "I wasn't thinking, You?"

"I was training in the yard when uncle Kevin found me," her poor fool of a twin hadn't managed to escape then, she turned to her grandfather who stopped focusing on his soup and joined in their conversation.

"I was in my solar when dear sweat Dorna came to me and let me know that in these troubled times family should come together and support each other," he said with a strained expression, "How could I refuse."

Cersei slowly turned her head to look at Dorna, the women who had done this to them, she tried not to have an accusatory look but how well that was going she couldn't say until her supposed aunt said, "In these troubled times family should come together and support one another."

She stared at her aunt trying to will the thought process behind that statement out of her mind, her aunt was a dear person was most likely the answer. It was very likely she didn't realise why that was a silly thing to say.

Though Cersei noticed that Dorna wore dark clothing as a mark of mourning, like her brother and grandfather, she could forgive her aunt's naivety for that.

Unlike her uncle wore the bright vibrant colours of House Lannister.

Was he too proud to admit to mourning? Did he not care that her…

Thankfully her uncle choose to add his voice to the debate, "I'm sure we can manage a simple lunch."

During the tense silence in which everyone's soup had acquired a captivating mystery drawing everyone's attention, except Dorna who smiled and nodded at her husband's statement, Cersei took her place to the right of her grandfather.

She tried the Soup.

It was a mushroom soup.

It was good.

There was bread.

Also good.

There was no butter for the bread.

Cersei wasn't going to be the one to start a conversation.

Unfortunately, aunt Dorna asked of grandfather, "How is Tygett fairing Tytos?" Dorna why!? Thought Cersei.

Grandfather chewed on some bread and swallowed before saying to Dorna, "He's faring well, He's become Master of Arms for New Castle and helping to train new kights for the Manderly's order of the Green Hand."

Aunt Dorna and Jaime offered pleased comments but Kevin merely nodded and quietly said, "He could have been the master of arms for the Red Keep." Grandfather and Uncle Tytos stirred the soup, it would stay like that right, thought Cersei.

Surly, Tytos retorted, "As I recall Tywin tried that and failed, so take your criticism to him," Dorna tried to derail the conversation by asking Jaime how his lessons were going but Kevin fumed angrily and told grandfather, "After a lifetime of fixing your mistakes it must make your really happy to have one thing to obsess over."

"No Kevin, Sending Tygett to White Harbour and out of Tywin's and your reach made me happy. He might actually have a chance at being a good person."

Cersei was back to staring at the soup, trying to focus on anything but this family meeting. She was never going to forgive her for this.

"Right, of course." Thundered her Uncle, "You just made everyone happy by letting the Westerlands fall into anarchy and evil Tywin made it stop. You talk a lot about how wrong my brother was. You tried to disinherit him! And Failed! And now no one listens to you so you snipe your insults because no one is listening to you! There is nothing you could do when your precious delusion of peace was shattered and so you stew bitterly!"

Both Uncle Kevin and Grandfather are on their feet now.

"Oh! So I didn't want your mass murdering brother to be Lord that makes me bitter!"

"You're living in a fantasy! If you had been fit to be lord we would never have had to do that! You did that to us! We were children and we lived in constant fear of being murdered! We didn't even know if you would've cared!" Kevin screamed in a strained voice.

Grandfather just stared and said, "I would've cared but I would never have let anything happen to you. But you weren't children when you torched Tarbeck hall or flooded Castamere."

"They wouldn't surrender," Kevin was firm, "We did what we had to protect our family. What you wouldn't. What you let get to that point. They knew that you'd wave your hands and forgive our enemies everything."

Tytos was angry, He had never looked angrier, "Protect our family, Kevin, Tywin won't even raise his children! I raise them! Me! And…"

The shattering of a bowl cut through everything.

Cersei was on her feet now too. She realised that at some point she had picked up her soup bowl and smashed it on the ground. When she heard Dorna mutter thank the gods she started to cry because… Because…

"What are you doing Cersei?" her uncle asked looking worried.

She was terrified, what was she supposed to say, why did he only care now.

Grandfather rescued her though, "No she's right," He pulled her into a hug and told her sadly, "I'm sorry."

Cersei stared at the broken crookery on the floor and then noticed something, she turned around and told her Grandfather in utmost seriousness, "I'm not wearing any shoes."

She had forgotten to put any on after she had stopped training.

Uncle Kevin nodded and said, laughing a little, "Yeah." He laughed a bit more and everyone else was smiling at this, " I tried to tell you."

The tension broke and everyone started to laugh and Cersei joined in, laughing along too.


	5. Beginnings - Chapter 05

Beginnings 05

Cersei first acquired shoes from her room, finding servants to lead her to where her father had hidden himself, she had expected to find her father engaged in some important matter of state, busily working away on affairs that couldn't be put off yet that he would still find some time to talk with her, in between the responsibilities that would have kept him so busy.

Cersei instead found herself sitting in front of the door to his solar, the door barred and it's occupant silent.

She had knocked and waited in the antechamber for her father to finish whatever he was doing but, he wouldn't answer the door.

When the guards changed their shifts Cersei realised how much time she had spent waiting for her father to answer the door and, again, knocked on the door, when once again there was no answer she kept knocking then even shouted.

But nothing had come from it.

Her father remained locked within his solar, refusing entry to the world beyond its door and Cersei was alone.

Sitting on the floor with her back to the door she tried to think of something to say but nothing would come to her mind. She hit the back of her head against the door occasionally, refusing to let up on getting her father out, she couldn't think of what to say.

Time passed and eventually, her head hurt too much to keep hitting it against the door.

Resting against the door there really didn't seem to be anything to do.

"I'm wearing trousers!" Cersei shouted through the door but nothing, the temporary anger gave way and she just felt alone sitting on the floor.

"Oh no, some dust on my clothes! Father, I've destroyed the Lannister image forever!" she shouted.

Nothing.

Bashing her head against the door one last time she gave up in a frustrated huff and waited alone.

* * *

"What are you doing?"

Cersei's quiet waiting was interrupted by the presence of her uncle Gerion, looking up she saw that he seemed confused and was holding an axe.

"Hold on," he pulled her up onto her feet and away from the door, "I know he's going through a lot but, he needs someone to pull him out of this and…" Her uncle trailed off at the end.

Before Cersei could question her uncle he raised the double head war axe and stuck it firmly into Tywin's door. The aged Ironwood door held but now it had an axe deeply embedded into it.

"Tywin! Some rapscallion has vandalised your door!" Gerion shouted in mock horror, "Also, I think they were laughing too." And then burst out laughing too.

Cersei just stood in shock, then laughed too.

It lasted for a while and both uncle and niece waited for what was most assuredly going to be a very angry Lord of the West.

Yet nothing happened.

After a while, the smiles went away and Gerion just said "Tywin I get it but," he shot a glance at Cersei "Your kids need you."

Still nothing. A Locked door and Cersei was more alone now.

Cersei went over to an ornate table which housed a collection of candle holders and vases of flowers to brighten the antechamber. "Uncle?" she picked up one of the vases of flowers, "Is this expensive?"

Cocking an eyebrow he retorted. "No, not really."

Upset at this she put it down forcefully and looked around, there were some chairs but they didn't look important, the chandelier was bolted to the ceiling, the big ass vase by the table…

She used both hands and gestured at it with a questioning look at her uncle, at least he was here.

Confused Gerion said, "Yeah, that's expensive."

Cersei stomped over to it, it was big, reaching up to the height of the table and as wide as her chest, she pushed it over but it didn't break. Huffing she tried to pick it up but it was too heavy, Gerion chuckled and leaned against the wall next to the door.

Cersei pushed the big vase against the wall. She used both hands to push it up managing to leverage it upwards until she had leveraged it to head height with some effort.

Then she jumped back away from the Vase.

It fell down and cracked in half.

Gerion wide-eyed said, "That was a Yi Ti vase, there's only four of them here," With his hand covering his mouth in shock.

Emboldened Cersei Shouted "You hear that! I broke one of the four in the west!" and when Gerion corrected that it was one of four in Westeros she screamed even louder "In all of fucking Westeros!"

This scream had Gerion looking worriedly at her, There was still nothing from her father, so she just cried. Her uncle walked over and bent down to hug her and she cried.

After a moment her uncle looked back to the door and after a moment called out "Tywin are you alive in there?"

Something crashed against the other side of the door and Gerion's face shifted into a rage.

"I get that your suffering Tywin but your family needs you, your…" Cersei pulled out of her uncle's embrace and ran out of the antechamber and down the corridor. Away.

* * *

It was always quiet In the rock.

Smallfolk servants walked the halls lighting candles meant to bring some small light to the halls that the fading twilight couldn't bring in through the few windows along the rocks outer walls.

Cersei walked past the occasional guard and servants towards her brother's room.

Her father… he was like she was.

It was a strange contrast to think of, to imagine the pillar of will and authority that the lord of the west exuded could take the loss as hard as she was. She could understand her father but knowing he wasn't going to fix this was unnerving. She was alone.

A small unshakeable rock Cersei had counted on her whole life was tumbling away.

Her brother though, she hadn't really talked to him since…

He would be there, her twin, Cersei could count on him to listen to her at least. She hadn't been fair, like her father, she…

There was singing.

That was wrong.

It was faint but Cersei realised she was nearing her brother's door.

Inside Jaime was singing a lullaby that their mother sings, sang to them, she walked up to the door and slowly pushed it open. Was he singing it to remember… Cersei didn't want to interrupt but couldn't leave… but the singing…

Trying to be strong, a lioness of the rock, she entered the dimly lit room.

The servants hadn't used enough candles or used good enough candles. There's one in the room lighting more.

Her brother is in the centre of the room and he's holding something.

Cersei's breath catches as she realises that… That… he's singing to something…

Fear and panic.

"Jaime?"

Her brother turns and he's holding a monster.

Her brother is standing there and he's holding the monster

He's singing mother's song to the monster.

Her brother looks worried and asks "Cersei? What's wr..." but before he can finish Cersei backs away into a table behind her violently enough to knock what was on top of it over. Cersei can only see the monster though, and only hears things breaking, falling, everything is wrong and she can't breathe except in pained gasps.

Her brother is running at her with the monster.

She reaches behind her and grabs something which she hits her brother with, he moves just in time to take the blow on his shoulder but falls onto the ground in pain cradling the monster.

"How could you?" Cersei asks her brother but he's staring at her and the monster is screaming. Cersei raises the candlestick again to hit the monster.

He turns and takes the blow on his back and she screams at him, she hits him again and screams at him. Again and again, there's more shouting and she's alone.


End file.
